Visiting the Brompton Road Cemetery was an interesting experience for me. In my early childhood, the concept of death confused me; I wanted to know exactly where someone who died went, how they got there, how long they would be there, etc. These questions stemmed from the fact that I was a curious kid who didn’t understand anything without a clear-cut, black and white answer. But as I have matured, death no longer confuses me as much as it discomforts me.
In the Victorian era, however, death and mourning practices were very group-oriented and common. Mourning was known for being very public, and there were three distinct periods: full mourning, second mourning, and half mourning. It was considered normal to drag on the grieving, as cutting it short would be a breach of the rules. Dress code and behavior were strictly regulated during each phase of mourning, especially for women, and many different forms of symbolism were used. For example, photographs of the deceased were displayed, loved ones wore the deceased’s hair as jewelry, and intricate designs were carved into graves.
Learning about death in the Victorian era made me think how society deals with death today. I am still unsure about how I personally feel about cemeteries —whether I find them peaceful or ominous— but I can understand why many people find comfort in them. During my walk around the Brompton Road Cemetery, I saw a few people who seemed to be praying and others walking their dogs and/or babies in carriages. Flowers of different kinds were planted or placed around many of the graves, and I noticed symbols of the cross and angels on multiple tombstones.
However, Christina Rossetti’s poem Song contrasts greatly with what I observed at the cemetery, as well as with traditional Victorian Era practices surrounding death. In her poem, Rossetti addresses someone she cares for and tells them they should not grieve after she dies. She specifically asks for no flowers to be planted and no sad songs to be sung. She wished for those around her to move on and endure life without thinking about her passing. Personally, Rossetti’s dismissiveness about her own death struck me, especially because she grew up in the Victorian Era when death entailed such extravagant rituals. I was surprised she wanted no sort of remembrance at all, not even something as simple as flowers.
I find it really interesting that you discussed your childhood thoughts prior to discussing your thoughts on death today. Even as a young adult, I still find myself having a lot of the same thoughts you had as a child. I also do not understand where people go after they die or how they get there, and I think that Rossetti's dismissiveness that you mentioned makes it even harder for me to understand. I also agree with you that it is surprising that she wanted no remembrance at all, when Victorians loved tradition. Victorians feel strongly about the deathbed, death masks, and jewelry, which all have to do with remembrance. It is definitely surprising that something as minimal as flowers could be seen as a sad way of remembrance in Rossetti's eyes.
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